Tonight I talked to my old friend from middle school, Lucas S. Can you say MEMORIES? I do love re-connecting with old friends. We had SUCH a wonderful talk. Luke seems like he’s doing so well. He’s got a steady job, he’s happy (as far as I can tell). His brothers are doing well. Lucas has been dating the same girl for 3 years and he's really in love.
"I hated John." he said. "Why?" I asked... hehehe, but I knew the answer. Luke said, "Because he was with you."
Ah life is interesting. We were 13 and 14 years old then. Life is so SERIOUS at that age. We both caught up... apologized a lot for things that didn't even call for apologies... confirmed that we really did care about each other. Wondered very briefly what life would have been like had things turned out differently.
But mostly, we marveled at how freakishly young we were when we knew each other. It does not seem like that long ago. I did not feel that young back then. It’s strange… so strange, to feel like I’m getting old enough to talk about the past with resolution… to talk about the past like it was a long time ago. Just very recently has the past started to feel like a long time ago. Any past.
I fell so hard for crushes back then. SOOOO hard. I remember crying for months because Mat liked Margaret and not me. I remember thinking that I would never, ever, ever want to be Mathew’s friend again. But I’ve thought of him as a friend for 7 years. And Margaret and I survived for sure... our friendship is stronger than ever (I'm so glad she and I never broke up... no heartbreaks there)
When Lucas came along I fell h-a-r-d. And then Luke when to New York over the summer and I met John. Lucas came back for school and everything was strange between us. I was getting to know John, but still confused about Luke in the back of my mind. 14 is a difficult age. I was so bitchy to Lucas after I had John. Time heals all wounds. Even middle school heart breaks. They were real heartbreaks… But, as Brad Paisley says, “pain like that is fast, and it’s rare.”
As we wrapped up our conversation we told each other how great it was to talk, we said we’d talk again… and then he went to snuggle up with his sleeping girlfriend. He says that she is “the one” for him, and he asked if I felt that way about John. “I’m beginning to think so.” I said. I had tears in my eyes afterward and my stomach had butterflies. I couldn’t stop praying and thanking God for how it all turned out. I couldn’t stop whispering, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the heart breaks. Thank you for the love. Thank you for this amazing, supportive, handsome man who’s been in my life and held me for 6 years.
It’s hard to truly believe when you’re 13 that life really does end with Prince Charming… you just have to have patiences and flexibility. I was so scared he would never come… but looking back… I really didn’t have to wait long, did I?
The truth is, it’s not Prince Charming whisking a girl away that leads happily ever after. Happily Ever After happens once we finally grow into our OWN skin. Once we finally fit into our own glass slipper. And end-all-be-all-forever-and-ever TRULY Happily Ever After happens when you find someone who helps you back into your own glass slipper over and over again. Someone who reinforces all of your strengths and helps you acknowledge all of your weaknesses. That is when the fairy tale starts. That’s the love John and I have.
Oh my God, I am so blessed. I have had the most rich, loving, nurturing, supportive life grown up. Thank you for my family. Thank you for the epic girlfriends who have been there through everything: through all of the boys, through the years of Johndrama… and through all of the happy times. No person on Earth could possibly be blessed with better friendships. Thank you for my life.